in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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