He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
