I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
