just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
