Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize