I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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