Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
