do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
