I'm going to jail i love you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
