You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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