Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
