I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
