Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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