the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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