What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Houston, we have a blender
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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