I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
