are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
