Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
