I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My liver just had a heart attack.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
