I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
