Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
