so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
