Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
