The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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