By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
