His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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