Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Two words: blizzard sex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
