I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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