ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
