Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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