SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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