doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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