Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
