Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
