I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Small penises have feelings too.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
