alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
