Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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