i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
