1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
