well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
