The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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