Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
