my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
