highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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