I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
