he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
