I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
