I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
