i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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