I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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