so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
