too bad you live with your parents still
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
