she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
