apparently the secret to your success is patron
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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