i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
