Having a random hookup so left but love u
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
