we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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