Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
