I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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