worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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