i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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