WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
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