i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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