People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
