You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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