Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
